Flo-Jo and BoJo

Tabloids have a problem with long words. And the problem is: they don’t fit on the page. (At least, not once the headlines are in suitably large letters.) So if I criticise Manchester United, however gently, the headline screams KOMLA SLAMS MAN U.

People’s names get abbreviated. A few years ago, the usual thing was to change the end of the name to –zza. Paul Gascoigne became Gazza; Michael Heseltine became Hezza.

This probably still happens. (Muzza?) But a different sort of abbreviation is taking over.  The first example I’m aware of was Florence Griffith-Joyner, which is obviously far too many letters. So she of course became Flo-Jo. It took a while for it to catch on: but now we have had J-Lo, SuBo, SamCam, BoJo, A-Rod (and A-Bog) and I don’t know how many others. SyCo carries an additional joke, but is patterned on the same thing. And the first question I have is: does this have a name? (Any linguistics professors out there?)

My second question is more open. It could be an interesting game to imagine ourselves as tabloid editors, and make up short forms for famous people’s names. These don’t have to be current celebrities. Several examples spring to my mind which are somewhat backdated. For example:

·         Go-Bro (= Gordon Brown)

·         J-Sta (= Joseph Stalin)

·         Wammo (= Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart)

Any other suggestions?

Weird alien egg thing

When I was learning Spanish, the tutor gave me a cartoon strip to write about. In the strip was a strange alien egg thing (a bit like Ludwig, perhaps) and I had to say what it was.

I wrote that it was a Mechanical Philosopher. It was able to consider the Big Questions. More than that (and with a nod to Douglas Adams), it knew what the Big Questions were. But best of all, it could not speak. So whatever cogitations occured within its impressive brain, it kept to itself. For it was the very best and most beneficial sort of philosopher: a silent philosopher.

In the years since then, I have had an unknown number of thoughts. I do not claim for them the status of Cogitations: and I certainly make no claims to being a Philosopher. But I have largely been Silent, perhaps beneficially so, like the alien egg. Until now!