Countdown and out

Eight years ago BBC Birmingham relocated from Pebble Mill to the Mailbox. BBC boss Greg Dyke enthused staff with the benefits of the move, using catchy slogans such as Project Countdown and Making It Happen. It turned out to be the trumpeting of a white elephant.

Pebble Mill had plenty of studios and a nominal rent. The Mailbox has a swanky city-centre location. Sadly, the joys of sharing a wind-tunnel with Harvey Nicks have not compensated for spiralling costs and the loss of studio space. My sources tell me the Beeb has now decided to close BBC Birmingham (who’d have guessed it) and move things to Bristol.

I wrote a piece at the time of the move from Pebble Mill, which a friend proposed to post on a Tolkien fan website. It may be there (I haven’t looked) but it is certainly here.

One Ring

Obi Nobi knocked the scroll out of the flames with his stick.  “You see,” he said, “it cannot be destroyed so easily.” 

He carefully unrolled the parchment, and read out the mystic words which appeared.

“One ring to fax them all, two rings to phone them.”

“But what can it mean?” exclaimed Beebo.

“It’s part of a longer document called Project Countdown,” replied Obi.

“Project Countdown!  It sounds exciting and awesome,” said Beebo, wide-eyed.

“It is,” nodded Obi.  “It is thrusting and innovative.”  And a strange stillness came over the room as the old man, as if in a trance, recited the words:

            Four for the nation’s favourite Aunt;

            Three for her emergence from the Age of Stone;

            Two for Public Service with a nice new slant;

            One for the Dyke Lord on his Dyke Throne -

            In the land of Mailbox where the studios aren’t.

            One ring to fax them all, two rings to phone them,

            One call to axe them all and have the exit shown them,

            In the land of Mailbox where the studios aren’t.

“Gosh,” whispered Beebo, suitably impressed.

“As you so succinctly express it: Gosh,” said Obi Nobi.  “We don’t quite know what it all means, but it is clearly a prophecy of some sort, and we are committed to making it happen.”

“Whatever it is,” said Beebo.

“Whatever it is,” agreed Obi. 

“There’s just one thing - ”  began Beebo hesitantly.

“And what is that?”

“What does the W stand for?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“The notice on your door,” explained Beebo.  “It says: Obi W. Nobi.  I’ve always wondered: what does the W stand for?”

“Some things it is better not to ask,” said Obi Nobi.

Ten days to save the Euro

The headline above appeared in yesterday’s newspapers. It makes me think of a James Bond figure arriving as the clock ticks down, and saving the world by shooting the bad guys. (45 minutes to disarm the Weapons of Mass Destruction.) Sadly, this approach may not be helpful on this occasion.

Tory MP Douglas Carswell has said that the break-up of the Euro is inevitable. This may or may not be so. The pros and cons of the Euro (and indeed of the EU and Britain’s participation in it) have long been debated. I am struck, however, by what Carswell said next. 

He said: “Adding debt to countries simply makes them even more impoverished. ... I hope eurozone leaders will begin the process to allow countries to default on their debts.”

This seems reasonable and humane. It is also what the Jubilee Debt Campaign has been saying for 15 years about our dealings with the world’s poorest (and most indebted) nations. If Greece is in a financial pickle, what about Liberia?

(The Jubilee campaign takes its name from a set of commandments in Leviticus. Debts were to be cancelled, slaves set free, and land restored to those who had lost it. These laws reflect a care for the poor which is evident on every page of the Jewish Scriptures, and bear careful reading: by churches claiming to believe the Bible, and by nations claiming the Bible as part of their heritage.)

Countries in the developing world are paying many times more in interest on their debts than they ever receive in “aid”. We are also able to bully them into adopting our favourite economic policies. The debt and the bullying contribute to frustration and instability in regions of the world where we might prefer to see peace. (They also incidentally contribute to starvation.)

And, as we are discovering, the economic policies themselves turn out to be of dubious value.

Let's get our priorities right. Save the Euro, by all means. Yippee. But let's get serious about debt cancellation. I don't often agree with Tory MPs: but it is surely time "to allow countries to default on their debts".