Monday 28 May 2012

When I were a lad


A few days ago Geoff Boycott said on a BBC cricket blog:
“Harold Larwood had to walk eight miles just to go the cinema. And then eight miles back.”
Two things strike me about this comment. Firstly, it sounds like the Four Yorkshiremen, with their competitive tales of childhood deprivation.
“Cinema? You were lucky! We used to walk twenty miles to look at a hole in t’ground.”
“Oh, we used to DREAM of looking at a hole in t’ground. We walked a hundred miles before breakfast to look at a cardboard box.”
“Breakfast? Ha!”
(And so on.)
Secondly, I am struck by Boycott’s evident surprise that the distance was the same in both directions. Maybe that’s what went wrong with his running between the wickets.

Friday 4 May 2012

Digger scrapes bottom (of barrel)

The England football team has a new manager, and all The Sun can do is snipe at his speech impediment. They then publish a similar jibe at “Wossy” (that’s Jonathan Ross – I’m helpless with laughter here) as if that makes it OK.
Let’s leave aside that Roy Hodgson’s rhotacism has not stopped him speaking five languages (while many Sun journalists struggle with one). It’s not about Hodgson and it’s not about Ross. They are successful enough, secure enough in their skill and vocation, not to care tuppence what jokes a semi-literate “newspaper” makes about them. It’s about the thousands of kids with lisps and stammers, who suffer endless piss-taking, and who now see this bullying (for that’s what it is) encouraged by a national red-top.
Mind you, are the broadsheets much better? In yesterday’s Independent, one page made comments similar to the ones I make above. On almost the next page, a story about the Russian president referred to “Mr Medvedev, a diminutive lawyer”.
Excuse me? What has his height got to do with anything? (And no, it was not in the context of describing his treatment by satirists. It was a throwaway word which added nothing to the thread of the article.) What about: The fat Mayor of London? The bald Foreign Secretary?
How about if a new teacher addresses kids as “Spotty” or “Big Nose”? It’s disrespectful, it’s damaging, it’s degrading. It’s bullying and encourages further bullying. It leads to depression, and in some cases suicide.
I expect this rubbish from the tabloids (sadly). But in my estimation, The Independent ranks higher. And you can pronounce that as you will.